Memories of the hearth

You,
hopes that I hoped,
my smiles and my tears,
promises of cheerfulness
and dreams to which I flied
and my ruthless first love,
you are for me
lost and never lost.

I felt passion for you,
I swore on you
and I was tormented with you.
It seems nothing, but the hearth was mine,
then there was you...

The wind will blow,
the rain will fall down,
the fog will veil,
the sun will shine strong.
And the memory, the memory of you
never passes by,
never passes by.

How good were those kisses between us,
maybe you never want to stop,
I can see you through my wet eyes.
If you like it and if you still want it,
in the memory everything becomes possible again
even without us.
You are also here
in my hearth.

Memories never pass by,
here they are,
they are much stronger than we are,
they are still alive.

The day the Earth stood still...

If the Earth dies, you die. If you die, the Earth survives.

And remember that human beings are so astonishing because they have the faculty to change, evolve...

swans

Walking by yourself in the cold, cold winter
Wrapped up in your coat like
It's a magic blanket
You say: "No matter where I go
They all look like strangers"
You see, the world only seems
The fairytale that it isn't

Dream on, dream on
There's nothing wrong
If you dream on, dream on
Of being a swan

But I know you're thinking...

And now you're looking at the sky
Talking to your angel
Could he turn this dirty street
Into a flying carpet?
But then you say: "I am not scared of anything"
Such a shy lie silent as the snow that is fallin' down

Dream on, dream on
There's nothing wrong
If you dream on, dream on
Of being a swan

But I know you're thinking:
"Am I gonna make it through?"
Dream on, dream on (and you can't run away)
There's nothing wrong (you've got to find a way to make it through this mess)
If you dream on, dream on ('cause you can't run away)
Of being a swan (you've got to find a way, a way out of this mess)

But I know you're thinking: ('cause you can't run away)
"Am I gonna make it though?" (you've got to find a way to make it through this mess)

Girl on the run (go girl)
You don't look back (go)
What did you see? (go girl)
What did you get? (go girl)
You're on the run (go girl)
Trying to forget (go)
But in the end,
Is it so bad?

Girl on the run (go girl)
You don't look back (go)
What did you see? (go girl)
What did you get? (go girl)
You're on the run (go girl)
Trying to forget (go)
But in the end (go girl)
Is it so bad... (go)
Being a girl?
Being a girl?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYMl-oVvbWY&feature=related

overworking brain

Have you ever had the sensation that your mind is full of things and it doesn't stop? and also when you finally sleep, if by chance you wake up, the brain starts immediately working again...You think what you have to do during the day, if you have eaten too much the day before, that you should do the washing, that you should remember to buy a Christmas gift for your flatmate, that tomorrow you should remember to take that book with you, and so on... No peace, no rest.

pull things out of yourself

Why can't I bring out things just in a normal way?!? maybe shouting, maybe crying, maybe running.

I also use these ways. But from time to time I like to punish myself, in different ways. That's my way of escaping perfection maybe.

...what is normality? what is illness? magnolia gives me answers, but I cannot always stick to rationality... fighting with myself

Wait

Eight people late at night sitting in my room. Some are friends, some I got to know that night itself. Wine, music, many languages. Lives which cross each other.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=895x2aCdDcM

You did not dare say a single word,
I did not dare ask for something more
I’ve kept my questions secret deep inside,
but I wish I could have let you know about
a time when I would have said:

"Wait, and please stay."
Did you mean to push me away?
"Please wait and just stay."
Did you want it to be this way?

Would you want to know what I've been through?
(through all this time... all this time)
Would you want to know I have missed you too?
(and I have you on my mind)
And you've been and you will be a part of me.
(that I can't find)
And you've been forgiven for your silence
all this time when I would have said:

"Wait, and please stay."
Did you mean to push me away?
"Please wait and just say:
Is there a way that could replace
the times you never said
"How've you been?"
"Do you need anything?"
"I want you to know I'm here."
"I want you to feel me near"?

Yeah...and I hope,
I hope that you will find your way.
Yeah...and I hope,
I hope there will be better days.

Please wait, and just stay
(Please stay)
Did you mean to push me away?
Please wait, and just stay
(Wait, just stay)
Did you want it to be this way?
Wait, please say
(Yeah, and I hope)
I hope that you will find your way
Please wait, and just stay
(Wait, and I hope)
I hope there will be better days

Hey hey...

Wait
Please stay
Just stay
Please wait

Twin star, i.e. soul mate (stella gemella)

And it is again loneliness.
Also tonight I will feel
my heart beating on and off -
time of love that never ends, oh no ...

My inner part - that you know -
lives a time more difficult than ever.
It is not enough having no contact anymore,
it was useless dealing with everything,
if then my way of feeling
fragile still remains.

I would like to know if you do exist
or if you are just a useless flight...

Where are you, my soul?
I waste away without you.
Where are you, beautiful soul,
where are you?

My heart beats on and off - season of love -
I'm looking so hard for you
that my eyes are aching now...

Where are you, my soul?
I waste away without you.
Where are you, beautiful soul?
Twin star, where are you?

Maybe you are behind the moon
as the most hidden dream.
Can't you see that I live for you?
Where are you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYc7g9CsNCY

Light up

http://hypem.com/track/492135/Leona+Lewis-Run+%28Snow+Patrol+Cover%29

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

The unsustainable heaviness of being

Sometimes you observe your life and you are not able to really determine it. You should work more, eat less, do more sport, stay positive, but you cannot help yourself in doing that. Life is just the same, but it's so hard to deal with it. It's hard brushing your teeth and come to the office on Monday, debugging a code and doing the washing.

And life as it was 6 months ago seemed so easy. Or at least this is what you can remember.