today I got emotional. some good pieces of close family visiting, ex-colleagues getting angry with me because I would not accept to do one thing they asked me to (after I have happily done many others for them), a proud 1,2 km of swimming to release the stress, some chocolate biscuits =) and some Leona Lewis singing. So, yes, I am still abit emotional.
Sometimes I feel not understood. the more you give the more people want. And I am not good at saying no, not at all. I become fragile, I feel guilty. Somehow since I have 'decided' to be the one following her work possibilities, the one without bounds, without kids, the one who is open and helpful, then some people feel authorized to want more from me. well, this is not the way it is supposed to work, sorry. you know me just in part. you do not know what is for me a risky situation. you do not know that you cause me to have a rough weekend in this way. you do not know how much it hurts me and how much inner energy I have to invest back to become calm and balanced once again.
yes, I know, probably this is my problem. I have to learn to deal with all kind of things. but I am no robot.
and no, i am no career woman who chose not to have a private life, who decided that it is better to have the Sunday morning to myself and going swimming, that is not used to have people around anymore and if she does she might easily get nervous, that is not used to share a bed. It is just the way it is, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I wish it was different. and, damn, when will my mind stop going to that place? it hurts every time, every single one.
1 comment:
eh sì... dobbiamo farci una bella chiacchierata, scusa non ero al pc ieri, ero in coma profondo! sto dormendo come un ghiro ultimamente... talk to u sooooon! bacioni
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